Perfect imperfect.

Hi. It is always the name that kills me.

Got a Nikon D40X for my birthday (nearly a month after.) Now I am not sure what to take with it.

Recently people noticed I was in a pretty bad mood and kept reminding me about it. I am not too sure about it since I felt normal, until today when I received my previous storyboarding assignment.

It is unusual because there was no one or nothing to get mad at, or to shift the blame to - it was throughly discussed during lesson time, templates have been given, I was always free to ask questions. So naturally there was only myself left to blame, but I did not felt like doing it.

Not a very elevating situation.

After that it was real easy to get mad at anybody. I was impatient really. I felt like going home and I did.

At least I am spared from having to suffer from irritating noises made by my classmate. Personally I have no problems with him until he starts moaning in agony.

At one point of time he asked me if I would like to skip other lessons for the day and go home. I admit I did not really give him a clear answer but eventually I told him if you want to go home, just go ahead.

Few minutes later he starts moaning, and all in my mind was "If you feel like going home just fucking do it. Why the fuck are you moaning and irritating the fuck out of me."

But I am a good guy on the outside.

While reading several news articles for my reading program I came across this article titled "Perfect imperfect." The topic deals about perfectionism and how 'imperfect' it is, in a sense. I gave several thoughts to such an issue long before I read the article, but still it was a pretty interesting read.

I can relate to perfectionism especially when it comes to programming. I stand firm with the belief that a program should not only work, but should be as efficient as possible.

That is where the fun of programming is in my opinion - solving problems while keeping things as simple and efficient as possible.

But that is not the only part of being perfect for me.

So far I have threw away 12 hours worth of time and codes simply because I found it too messy for me to work on it any further.

It worries me to a point because what I am doing currently is a very simple assignment consisting of a mini-game. This habit of discarding codes simply because it messes up my workspace will eventually conflict with anything greater than what this assignment requires. That is where imperfection comes in.

Hmm.

Oh yeah, I am glad I erased some guy off. I mean, those that tend to go all mushy when they are in love and then suicidal after it ends, how they relate to others suffering from situations like them is definitely pure, classic comedy. I do not like such forms of entertainment though.

It is like they are looking for sympathy because they broke up with their 'very important significant other,' and is now suffering from heartbreak.

I look down on such people.

DO NOT PROVOKE.

I'm a bomb.

It takes more than your smart-ass three hours to move me from location once you light up the fuse.

Band name: Callow / Herefordshire
Album title: By trespassing on them.
Album cover: - Copyrighted -

One of those silly predictive games from random that always turns out to be true in the wrong way.

I swear to myself that life is sucking so badly recently that I find myself admitting to the fact that I'm a fan of gore and how badly I want to spread my fucked-up-ness to anybody I can find.

But of course the reason is simply because I lack sleep.

Ever lost your patience? Ever lost your patience and felt like everybody is simply stupid? Ever lost your patience, felt like everybody is simply stupid and have people you don't want to see/hear/smell popping out everywhere?

*Pop* "Hey, I'm here!"

I found myself telling these people behind my monitor that they should simply just go away. Below is a true story by the way.

ike: bye guys i'm going to cut my hair
me: cut the head too
ike: bb
*ike has left the game*

Oh you poor son of a bitch. Well unfortunately I've got it stated clear right in front of your fucking eyes with the three words "DO NOT PROVOKE."

Speaking of which it was nice spreading that pikachu fever all around the map. It was totally cool. Of course, my pleasure.

Ironically it seems as if I'm the guy doing all the provocative shit in the first place, but that's my nature, and no it doesn't apply to that boy who got sprayed 30+ times in the ass for killing me with a knife for... 2 times? Mmm I didn't even die once.

With all that said, his journey has just ended. Continue to fail hard.

Mmm.

I'm a bomb.

Superior.

So, I'm superior, but where did that shit come from? Continue reading to enjoy the story behind my superiority complex and how I kicked so much ass.

The heaviest contributing factor is obviously my "educational institute." It appears that my O level aggregate reflects badly on me because of the number of dumbasses I discovered in my class. So far there's only one guy truly ahead of me.

Can't help it. It appears I have "basic" knowledge for everything that's being taught in the courses that a few annoying bastards keep asking me how things are done. Fast-forward to this semester when I've been skipping more lessons than I'm allowed to and I get idiots showing off their skills using cheap-ass methods while lying to me that they spent like two days working on it.

How can you ever compare yourself to a person who managed to spend like five hours straight working on a truly perfect piece of art without resorting to any cheap tricks that gets the job done AND still lie about it?

And while there are others who think that they're superior themselves in my class, I'm the type that does things without talking. Hard to say online, since I'm given a keyboard and it's way better than having to write with a pen to debate with someone lacking a good dictionary.

Comes, of course, the people online. When given a keyboard, most of the people out there'd probably start pummeling on it without thinking, thus ruining the part where common sense comes in.

Finally there's always the social part of it all. I'm responsible for a lot of shit happening around. Elaborating on it will probably make a few guys suicidal after knowing how miserable their lives would've been so I'll pass.

The last issue - society. It's pretty easy to understand if you're smart enough. Otherwise consider yourself inferior to me.

Absence.

Work slows people down.

Amusing to know that now he has to find somebody else to show off his 3D models.

Or wait a month before I send another guy the game he always wanted.

Or avoiding shitloads of useless information on World of Warcraft when I don't even play it.

Many more.

I've been busy. I'm telling the truth. It's the truth.

2 weeks worth of a holiday to spend on finishing up everything for my first year. Doesn't seem like a very profitable exchange rate considering the duration is 1/5 of my real holiday. I may consider 1/10.

All the work consist of dragging rubbish into respective bins, getting a praying mantis to catch a wasp, making sure that the old man doesn't get killed during the fight with the bus driver, borrowing cameras to film nothing and, hell yes - saving the fucking environment for the 1000000000000000000000000000th time.

And speaking of the environment, our generation is just there to mop up the mess produced by our forefathers everyday. They tell you to generate new ideas on how to get renewable energy while they sap off the existing amounts.

Well of course everybody uses energy nowadays but we're not supposed to be responsible for THEIR consumption.

OFFTOPIC.

Mmm. Oh yeah, I forgot; good riddance.

V ._. V

This Birthday.

A gift is better than none. Thanks Cheng.

All my time alive and I've been through a lot more than many of my peers would have, but a lot more is nothing more to everybody - it's hard to fit someone in your shoes.

So the printer jammed and I spend a hour trying to remove the piece of paper crumpling itself inside and out of the blue I'm struck with this intriguing thought of why I'm putting up with this shit and the uncontrollable urge to actually force myself to break down emotionally.

Turned out to be harder than I thought.

I think I'm blessed and I think all I have is bad luck. 30 minutes after 12 AM on December 4 and I'm trying to pull out a piece of paper while forcing myself to depression. Nevermind I got the paper printed and I'm going to fap, eat my stuff and go to sleep, but no I'm probably not going to do any of them since my day's already ruined by a piece of paper which refuses to come out of the printer without having me rip it into shreds.

Makes me wonder about the other two guys who share the same birthdate as me. One's probably asleep because there's still lessons tomorrow, and another's probably still in the US smoking weed.

All in all, no achievements. My social life is nothing to be proud of, not that I care about it. It's hard to demand the same amount of loyalty and respect you give to the other party without them trampling over it and 3 foot under the ground as if you're already buried in your grave, and if I were to ever write out a single line about what I feel regarding the friends that I have, all I can say is that they're easy to make but really difficult to stay.

Obviously since I'm always treating people I don't like as complete strangers.

For now everything is relatively simple - nobody messes with me and gets away with it, while I enjoy my life simply because I can and that no matter what happens to me I know there's always a way out.

Not a very good approach to life, but gets the job done all the same.

As for my birthday wish, I'm going to make one because I've never really used all the previous 17 chances I've got; spare me birthday wishes.

There are still a lot of problems to come in the future. Remember me saying that turning 18 is a nightmare? It is. For now I'll just let this pseudo-winter season pass and lower myself a little...

Like I've always did since I was a kid... Yeah... I'm blessed and it's just bad luck...

Happy birthday Byan.

Always in my heart.

I have issues that I do want to talk about but I don't really have much time here.

So this post is a proof to you loyal readers (if any) that I'm alive and well.

Just to quote someone who shares an almost identical email address as mine, "I'm complete and alive, what a nice thing!"

Later.

Indifference.

I'm back to skipping school lately.

Well obviously the more subtle friends tend to divulge a little less on lecturers' comments when you're facing warning letters waiting to be sent to your letterbox while the others tend to make you feel as if you're stuck in mud.

Not like I care.

Seems like I'm going to repeat several modules because of my attendance, which I believe is going to be a huge waste of my time. I don't pride myself on being skillful or knowledgeable enough to conquer every module without learning, but at least I learn faster and I catch up a hell of a lot quicker (and more) even when my attendance is only 3/4 of the whole semester.

Just to quote someone; "All men are equal, but some men are more equal than others."

That defines the varying degrees that even equality possesses.

I can't blame people for not being understanding enough, not like I was that easy to understand in the first place. It's the cold truth, that people aside from your own family members can't, won't, or are just too ignorant to understand you. However there are exceptions and those people are probably more 'equal' than me in a way.

It just seems not worth it and very unfair to me. Just when I decide to bucker up some dude whispers to me "Hey man, you've got a high percent chance that you'll have to repeat."

That's my kind of attitude really. I don't do things for nothing. How high is high anyway. 50%? 75%? In that case how is it ever worth my time?

But then again, time was never really needed in terms of attendance. It's all up to your brain.

ps. That's right. I'm smart.

In memory of SG.

-nt-

Promises.

For my own sake, I've decided to keep a list of things that I tend to forget when my mood fluctuates.

I dislike going to places where I have to stay overnight because it ends up separating me from my usual routine and thus preventing me from adjusting back as soon as possible.

That's all.

Stay.

Aunt, thanks for the call. I just want to let you know that I was listening throughout the conversation but couldn't really say anything in response. I know I'm a pretty over-sensitive person myself, but I didn't want to think of it as the cause of all my unhappiness, to be honest.

So I'm always going down to the lowest point of my life at the end of holidays, and I'm desperately trying to sort out things on my mind while keeping the deadlines away. It's a slow, painful and time consuming process for me because I tend to go through the issues over and over again, trying to find faults and sometimes good things to help me survive another night.

At 2 AM.

For me to actually reflect on myself so deeply again, it's a side of me lost for quite a while now, as recently I've become more direct and taken a more offensive stance towards people around me. It led to a lot of conflicts with others, but sometimes it also exposes tails that you've never thought the foxes would have.

It's just one of those nights when the rain would keep falling and I'd stare out into the office building several hundred meters away and wonder why they refuse to keep their lights on like they've used to.

Frankly, I feel that I'm lacking something which I don't know and can't even classify. Is it an emotion? Object? Person? I have no clue. I just feel that it's missing in me and preventing me from wanting to stay alive. The absence of this something stops me from feeling or doing anything - much like a human without a heart would.

I can't feel myself alive, but I know I am because I'm typing right now. I picture myself sitting in front of the computer with no lights on. It feels weird. It's like I'm staring at another person that resembles me so much, but isn't me.

It's hard. I'm going to take a step. I won't make it. I will not fall. I fell. I can get back up again. I have no more energy. I think I'm dead.

Perhaps some day I'll be able to understand, and hopefully it's not too late by then. This is why turning 18 is a nightmare to me. I'm on the way to becoming an adult, yet I haven't got such issues figured out and solved. What else can I do, really, except to continue living while putting the thoughts away, until the day when I discover that the problems haunting me ain't there anymore.

This night will pass, painfully, because I'm unable to choose any of the options given to me - to live, to die. It's out there for grabs. It's free. I don't need any money. I just need my life.

And that, I cannot give.

Best post.

I have to read to continue writing/typing. What I've been typing for the past few months makes me wanna explode on the spot because it has no aesthetic value and it's definitely worthy of cow dung.

Fuck.

It's random time.

A paragraph at a time.

Whenever I log in Blogger to post a new entry, I can't help but notice the column listing the latest updated blogs, because some of these blogs have a really witty, beautiful, or ironic name to it through wordplay or just mixing up two completely unrelated objects/entities to create a very striking title. For example, "Verbal Constipation," "Sixty Minute Artist" or "A Soviet Poster A Day."

After nearly 2 weeks worth of break from school, I went back, only to be faced with bloody childish clashes between cliques. Personally I wouldn't want to get myself involved in it, but with group projects popping out, it's about time I make a decision. One side's trying to get me to do the sketches for my assignment while the other is trying to take me in. To be honest, I don't know what to do, so I'm really waiting it out to see what happens next, but whatever it is, I'm not going to let myself to be taken advantage of. A slight attempt and I'll give the dude a finger.

I found this quote on some random site that really struck me.

"If there's no wind, row." - Latin proverb. Or something.

I believe I don't need to explain what it means, and that's why it struck me hard. This is the shortest quote I've ever seen to be able to convince me to work hard (row) if there isn't driving force/support/free loaded stuff/prior knowledge (wind) to help me.

What is wrong with the world today?
FotC for the lulz.
This is wrong, kids.
Anonymous. I'm only a lurker.
Rock'n'Roll.

Verbal warfare.

eye of horus: did he cara
melasinius: who
[SGHL]Chavenz|DOD: he only got cele
eye of horus: who else
melasinius: no
[SGHL]Chavenz|DOD: and meta
eye of horus: no big deal
[SGHL]Chavenz|DOD: then why you complaining? lol
eye of horus: complaining?
eye of horus: how is asking whether he has cara or not complaining?
[SGHL]Chavenz|DOD: by saying no big deal it shows that you dont really care
eye of horus: and?
eye of horus: is that complaining?
[SGHL]Chavenz|DOD: it is to me if you give those "heck care attitude" and still ask about his ups
eye of horus: so you call that complaining?
[SGHL]Chavenz|DOD: yep
eye of horus: then let me tell you you are wrong
[SGHL]Chavenz|DOD: lol okay
[SGHL]Chavenz|DOD: wow im wrong

eye of horus: hmm
eye of horus: so what is your problem with me
eye of horus: if you don't have a problem would you kindly keep quiet
[SGHL]Chavenz|DOD: lol why the hell should i
[SGHL]Chavenz|DOD: i can type whatever i want
eye of horus: true
[SGHL]Chavenz|DOD: why not you ignore me? rofl
eye of horus: then you're responsible for giving me an answer
[SGHL]Chavenz|DOD: lol im not responsible to give you an answer
eye of horus: i'm just going to ask you in a peaceful manner
eye of horus: what is your problem with me
[SGHL]Chavenz|DOD: your attitude?
eye of horus: mmm
eye of horus: of me asking a question and saying it's no big deal that he has only cele?
eye of horus: if that's so you must have problems with a lot of people
[SGHL]Chavenz|DOD: you ask if he has cara, then i said only got cele. then you reply no big deal
eye of horus: yeah
eye of horus: and i find nothing wrong with that
[SGHL]Chavenz|DOD: yeah okay. i find that you're complaining.
[SGHL]Chavenz|DOD: you dont find anything wrong with that
eye of horus: about what
eye of horus: about the fact that he has cara?
[SGHL]Chavenz|DOD: thats fine. each has his own perspective
eye of horus: cele*
eye of horus: do you know
eye of horus: what is
eye of horus: complain
eye of horus: to begin with
[SGHL]Chavenz|DOD: dont treat me like a kid
eye of horus: i'm not but you're confusing me here
eye of horus: did you type the wrong word
[SGHL]Chavenz|DOD: lol seriously have no mood to continue this. you wanna think i got a problem with you, so be it
eye of horus: sorry i'm a guy who tends to read things very carefully
[SGHL]Chavenz|DOD: im just going to play my game

[SGHL]Chavenz|DOD has joined the Frontiersmen
eye of horus has joined the Kharaa

eye of horus: that's pretty evasive of you
eye of horus: but ok

- After the game -

eye of horus: bye chaven

- 5 seconds pause -

eye of horus: get a dictionary

/quit

I thought I was able to get a little English fun out of this, but he didn't fall for it. Anyway, a few mistakes here and there. He would have beaten me if he had read what I said carefully and countered accordingly, but too bad. Typical Singaporeans don't read.

Nostalgia.

Hi.

Just yesterday I stumbled upon a few songs which I used to listen when I was younger. Those were of retro-techno type of music that found their way to me through my cousin in the past, though to be honest I didn't really like it at that time.

But yes since our brain does all the memorizing work all the time we can't help but feel nostalgic when something or someone old pops out of nowhere and hits you hard like how it/he/she did in the past.

I mentioned earlier that I wasn't really into that kind of music. Actually it's wrong for me to even listen to them, and they didn't ban youngsters under 18 from going to clubs for nothing you know, but I believe that period of time was when I was still pretty much free to do whatever I want and didn't have to worry about which road to take next.

Those songs remind me of that period of time when I would just wake up at 6am in the morning, log in my character and start playing all the way until night falls. Such was the joy of doing things my way, without restrictions, though in the wrong sense. I loved, cherished and still desire every second of it, but I guess nostalgia is better left on its own to wander away so that it might come back again, otherwise the magical feeling will just fade away permanently after time.

It just surprised me really, how a retro song (at this point of time, 2007, it's really retro) is that refreshing and powerful. It's like regaining a part of myself back, yet it feels new and unknown to me.

And I thought I was dead enough.

What's wrong?

Nothing is wrong. I was about to sleep when I felt like posting something, didn't really have much of a clue what I was going to post but felt like trying anyway.

So, I'm still standing on a crossroad so I suppose it accounts for my long period of absence in school.

Not like anyone there gives a damn about it anyway.

Then, to think that I want another week off is a little too much even for myself, so I'm probably going back for awhile. My sleeping habits ain't helping though.

It's also been awhile since I talked to the father (or even met him,) not like I'd want to, but he'll definitely feel like a stranger to me. I don't like talking to strangers.

Most of us will probably experience something similar once in awhile, when you haven't met someone for quite a long time and they start feeling like a stranger to you. In my family, manners isn't really that important so sometimes they may even seem rude to me.

About raging, I never gave myself a second thought as to whether I'm really that prone to raging, but it seems as if I'm doing it unconsciously. I think I've done it too many times up to the point where people don't take me seriously when I rage or they think I'm raging when I'm not.

Hopefully this serves as a warning to flakk. Stop your rage now or nobody will take you seriously in the future.

I tried to change a little, but it's like changing the type of pillow you use to sleep on - you just can't get used to it. If you had a choice, you'll definitely want your old pillow back, no?

Unless it stinks as much as mine, but I love my own smell.

I don't really know what else to say because, unlike many of my peers, I don't really go out all that much and socialize. I guess there's nothing much I can do about it.

I'll end here.

Daily qualms.

I have a lot of friends. Fair-weathered ones.

If I had a choice I wouldn't even bother socializing with them but there are always group projects popping out in my course (another reason why I hate it) so I have no choice but to play along.

I've seen people come and go in my life. I've had moments when I thought I found true friendship, only to have it crept behind my back and puncture a hole through my chest, or moments when the unexpected ones come to me with sincerity only to have the chance slip through my fingers.

It's not easy even for someone who doesn't live to love.

Situations like these have been repeating as long as I can remember, and the only reason why I would want to talk about it will obviously be the fact that it has happened again.

So, what happened?

I don't see myself as generous, to be honest, but I stay away from excessive trouble especially when it comes to money. If you're going to charge me four dollars and a few cents for something that you helped me pay for (which is the exact cost,) I'll gladly give you five and let you keep the change.

But there's a limit to how many times I'm willing to do such a thing, because when it repeats itself it gives me a feeling that you're trying to take advantage of me.

Then, there's also the classic time wasting tactic employed by almost everyone. Like if I were to go home at 1pm, and you ain't feeling particularly entertained enough at that point of time, you'll lie to me and tell me that you're going to go home with me, but "I have to eat lunch first because there's nobody at home to cook for me." So you buy your lunch, finish up on it and I asked you if you're ready to go.

"No. I think I'm going to stay. Bye."

I am not an attractive person with a good sense of humor. I can't make people laugh, I don't impress them and I actually don't give much of a damn about them either. What actually draws people to me, is my ability to work. It's something like your hardworking friend back in secondary school that you always ask answers from to copy for your homework.

Fortunately, and unfortunately for them, I don't give out the information easily. Not to say that I extort money from them for the answers, but I teach only the minimum. It's simply because I'm not their teacher, I'm not supposed to tell them what to do, I'm not their parents/guardian, I don't care if they fail, and I, as their friend, should never ruin their life by providing them with all the answers so they can get fired at the first day of their job for not knowing what the hell the pen tool's for.

But doing that means you lose your influence on them. I sound pretty manipulative here huh.

I don't like to see myself as "using" them to further myself. It's a fair trade really, but when I feel I'm at a disadvantage, I'm ready to go to war to get back on equal terms.

When you're lost...

I would have made my own decisions and went ahead with whatever I want, but it's not easy when you're restricted (see previous post.)

It's hard to find someone who can be truly honest with whatever he or she thinks, unaffected by influence and morals, neutral to the consequences of whichever decision you make. Such a person is what I need, and if possible, seek to become.

This is because when you're lost, especially halfway through your life when you need to sit down and think of the things you're doing, if they actually mean anything to you or not, you need to make a decision. Frankly, 99.9% of the time, whenever you're faced with a problem in life, you're given the two standard choices; yes or no/to do or not to do/etc. Anymore of such choices, no matter how viable they are, are fabricated and are bound to lead you to failure, or at least from my experiences for the last 17 years.

So I'm usually stuck with two choices, and when the two choices are complete opposites from each other they either make your life very easy or very difficult to live. In this situation that I'm in right now, it's the latter.

Basically, I'm lost. I don't know what to do next. It's a pretty horrible feeling even when I reassure myself that I can go anywhere I want. When faced with the two standard answers I find myself adding buts behind them, and I don't like that. Sometimes I wished everything will be much simpler. Screw the buts and throw them away. A clear answer will do just fine.

The fact is that such a person that I mentioned above, who is truly neutral and oblivious to influence from media, society or any other of such, doesn't exist, which I believe to be a very bad prank on me because I don't like attaching conditions or overbearing consequences to decisions that I have to make, and when I seek to find out an answer from such a person, he/she isn't there.

So what's really left to get the clearest answer out to make a firm decision (doesn't mean that it's 100% clear, it's just the clearest out of the others,) is ANOTHER two choices - you ask someone to provide the answer for you, or you provide the answer yourself.

It's a loop.

But seriously enough of all that looping crap.

I lack the motivation to continue schooling, that I get this feeling I'm going to end up skipping a lot of lessons this semester. There's nothing bad about it, because all I get is letters demanding better attendance else free expulsion, but what am I going to do from there?

I don't want to disappoint my mother. I've made her been through a lot of pain because of pretty similar cases like this in the past. I have siblings that I don't want others to ridicule just because their older brother is a polytechnic dropout who has nothing more than just a O-level certificate and plays computer games all day long.

Yet how can you continue working on something that you have absolutely no interest in? I'm leaving national service out of this topic because it's unavoidable - they keep you in so you just have to do it.

All of a sudden I feel so powerless, helpless and frustrated. I'm afraid up till this point in my life I haven't found anything worth my time in the future. Either that, or all the while I've been seeking for perfection - something that doesn't exist.

I guess it's time to speak up.

Seemingly DEPRESSED.

The thought of going to Singapore Polytechnic to socialise, do a presentation or just simply talk in front of the whole class, sickens me.

The industry doesn't really want people who can just talk and do nothing.

But nevermind that because in the end, I'll just end up skipping school.

With freedom comes responsibility, and I'm not exactly that responsible to know that I have to go to school even if I don't like it, but I did flip a coin which convinced me, with 4 heads in a row, not to go.

I don't like the feeling of getting torn apart by a simple decision of whether to go or not, and usually I'm unable to force myself to say yes or no until it's too late to go to school.

So here I am because it's too late to go to school.

I just feel whatever I'm studying right now is going to be a help to my future career, but presentations? No way.

Basically in Singapore Polytechnic you waste 1 out of 3 years trying to produce good presentations, so you can be damn sure that graduates from other polytechnics are going to own your ass when it comes to technical knowledge.

The ability to speak to a large audience can be trained, I believe, but not FORCED to learn. In short, if you don't like it, and you're forced to do it, you still won't like it.

In fact you'll hate it even more, no?

Personally I know I lack a lot of personal traits in life, like determination and stuff, and it's not like I never tried.

But when I feel that whatever I'm doing is wrong, or is a waste of my time, I'll gladly skip it.

Am I wrong in thinking that way?

I've never been held down by social expectations (but not running around naked in public) and other restrictions.

There are so many things that I wouldn't mind doing in the future, but sometimes in order not to disappoint people whom I care about, I just have to live up to the expectations.

And that's a bloody restriction.

So there you go. Another loop.

Cutting balloons?

I've been working on a new layout since the start of the holidays. It's always the usual inability to consolidate my ideas and integrate them properly that results in late delivery, but screw that.

Everything I want to say regarding this new layout is probably covered on the section to the right so I'm just going to skip past all of this shit.

It's hard to lose a war when you have more allies than your enemies. Sometimes by simply doing nothing you're destroying your enemies. Why I'm saying this is because I've just won the war with the four dudes.

Actually just two, but I've already won.

No time to waste typing posts. I must make use my remaining holiday time before I suffer for another 12 weeks.

Later.

Here's your answer.

I fight flakk on less than 20 squares, but definitely bigger than 3x3.

How long has it been.

It's hard fending off four people at once, especially when each of them says different things. Somehow my brain just can't seem to be able to handle the amount of information received and respond accordingly, so I took the easy way out and told them to shut up, but it turned out to be futile.

It's been a few years since I last had this terrible excitement running throughout my head, fingers trembling with the amount of satisfaction I anticipate and would be able to leech off through the next "killer line."

But somehow the amount of information pouring into my head was way too much for me to counter-attack properly.

I was a decent bastard back then, even though I had completely no idea what I was saying. Nowadays I've gotten a little less creative, but what really sets me off is that my opponents ain't more difficult than my last fight with a 55 year old.

If there's only one fun thing that I'd actually take pride in doing, it'd be to talk down the other person till he/she surrenders, though the she part isn't yet tested nor approved, but you get it. Unfortunately, sometimes such things become an obsession, so instead of waiting for them to come, I went out and created opportunities for myself.

Basic common sense tells you that when you prepare for a war, you must know your enemies beforehand, and sometimes impulses overrides common sense, leading to unexpected defeats.

I wouldn't pretty much say that it's a defeat, though. A pretty cheap trick was involved.

To me, this occasional hobby of mine is actually a game of tic-tac-toe with more than 20 squares. Usually I get to decide how many squares I want in this game and place more than 1 cross/circle every turn, thus ending the fight pretty easily, but sometimes when the game's up to your opponent to decide how many squares there are going to be, and he's/she's a Singaporean whom you're pretty sure is less intelligent, has a lower standard of English and actually doesn't have much to say on the topic you're fighting him/her on, expect the standard 3x3 squares with him/her placing 2 crosses/circles per turn.

For a more practical example, you can take those who tend to launch a verbal assault on your parents for giving birth to someone like you, or that you have no friends, girlfriend, or you're gay, anti-social, someone with no life. For the more locally-inclined examples, expect the usual "yawn" added with pseudo-1337 z's behind to add to the effect of you not making any sense (in 99.9% of such cases it's more often that the opponent is unable to understand what you're saying because your language's too powerful for them.)

In short, the number of squares determines how much the topic stays on track (the lower it is, the less relevance it has to the topic) and the crosses/circles are your points. Getting the picture?

I'm pretty sure that the 55 year old I fought a few years back actually fought against me equally on a field definitely larger than just 9 puny squares that most of our fellow countrymen can only manage.

Though I'm still pretty depressed by the fact that I can't counter these cheap tricks up till today. Well actually I think I do have a tactic in mind, but maybe the information overflow was really too much.

Bad luck Byan.

It doesn't mean that I'm sorry for being a fag, though. Such fights are what feeds my everlasting hunger for pure faggotry.

Expect a comeback.

18 still.

I know I'm not yet 18. My birthday's 3 months away and for another 3 months I'm going back to indulge myself in work.

I don't like it.

It's painful for me to repeat the process of becoming so distraught, so alienated and so detached from reality once the holidays end. I know for long enough this wouldn't end. It'll continue as part of my life. I mean everyone goes through such situations. I know because my siblings exhibit this kind of behavior near the end of holidays too, though not to the extend of mine. I admire their ability to overcome this problem and I guess that's one of my biggest weaknesses as a living person.

Frankly, the thought of turning 18 frightens me. I don't think I've had enough preparations for the real world. I'm not so concern about the fact that I'm no longer young. The problem here is fear. Fear of failure to cope with whatever coming my way.

I deem myself a weak person because of the reason above. I tried to draw strength, or perhaps a new reason, for myself to live on, but how can one draw strength from himself when he doesn't believe he has any to begin with? You are what you think you are, and I'm weak.

I've never believed that to live life is for myself. Till this day I'm still pondering about the reason for my birth, which I doubt I'd be able to find until the day of my death.

So the alternative method would be to draw strength from others. I know how much of a letdown I am, and from here on I thought about the consequences of staying a shut-in at home and not doing anything about my life. The first person that came to mind when disappointment was mentioned inside was my mother. From there it may seem easy to live on for the sake of someone else, but unfortunately it only served to trap myself in a vicious cycle of denial.

What happens if my mother were to pass away? I'd be no more than just a lost child in this world. So who do I draw strength from next? No one.

I've sought to talk with someone capable of understanding me on such a level and I thought my aunt was the only one. I sought self-demise but she protested against it.

Of course she'd be against it.

If only someone would understand how much strength's waned as I typed.

Just so fucking sick of this bullshit going on and on.

FRUSTRATION

Definitely not fine.

Sometimes I just hate that inconsistent part of myself because it ruins everything.

It messes up all my plans, makes me go on a roller coaster ride on the emotional track and wastes my time. I thought I'd get over it as I grow older, but no it refuses to leave me alone.

What do I get as a result? Frustration.

And this frustration's so bad that sometimes I'd gladly lie down and sleep for eternity.

I don't know of any other way to express this absolutely fucked up feeling other than the fact that it's killing me and it's ruining my life.

Teenage rage. Very bad.

I think I'm going to have a bad relapse and I really need to speak to my aunt about it soon.

Fucked up.

Random.

I just realised my title's a little cheesy and irrelevant since I don't really post pictures taken using my camera phone.

I don't even take them.

Holidays give a lot of room and time for you to do absolutely nothing, and while I intend to use every second of this seemingly short period of free time, I do tend to waste some of it away by just sitting around and stoning.

Stoning. It's a good word.

Personally trivial things like that are part of my life. I enjoy doing them even though they feel like a waste of time. I'm sure most of the working adults won't find any time to do such a thing.

Then again it's not like they're interested in doing it either.

But you tend to think a lot while doing that, and it's definitely because you're doing nothing - that's why you're thinking, but what will you think of?

"Oh shit I [insert something related to work here]!"

Then he/she will probably scurry off to do this particular thing. There goes your free stoning time.

Maybe I'm just being a little too emotional (no way depressed. Shit's out of my life since last year.) or over-sensitive, but if that's the case, being such a person may be the best treatment for many of the people out there. Why?

[Influence: failed] I will talk about it some other time.

That aside, I discovered several flaws within myself, as well as an interesting pattern.

First of all, I'm spastic. Second, I can be a very horrible person to talk to. Third, I will attack anyone who I find dumb enough to say anything.

The pattern is that such flaws only happen during holidays.

I call it the 'holiday fever.'

Take, for example, these:

Friend: "yo"
Me: "shut up"
Friend: ":'( ok"

Friend: "the server's lagging!"
Me: "fuck off you can't aim that's all."
Me: "stop fucking whining."
Me: "world needs more people to shut up and play their game."

Korean: "spawn camp = ="
Me: "get used to it."
Me: "now shut up and play."
Me: "noob."
Korean: "you are a ass."
Me: "noob."
Me: "noob."
Me: "noob."
Me: "noob."
Me: "chobo korean."
Me: "noob."
Me: "fucking shut up korean or get the fuck out."

Friend: "now i know xxx's a noob."
Me: "dude fucking shut up nobody asked for your opinion."
Friend: "you shut up."
Me: "why don't you take it to him straight instead of beating around the fucking bush."
Me: "you got fucken balls?"
Me: "you"
Me: "got"
Me: "the"
Me: "balls of steel?"
Me: "i know you don't so please fucking shut up."
Me: "why can't fucking fags just shut up nowadays."
Me: "it's fucken world peace if people like him would keep quiet and do their own shit."
Friend 2: "dude, relax."
Me: "i'm relaxing."
Me: "and you shut up too."

In short I find everything a nuisance to me. I hope that everyone can seal their mouths (I don't mind sealing for them) and only talk when I tell them to. Maybe throw in a few threats like, "YOU TALK YOU DIE."

Hmph.

Guilt?

Few days ago one of my classmates sent out an email to the whole class telling us to vote for his piece of work (which apparently got chosen to submit in some competition with a really remote forum.)

I don't know if he included the word please. It's a magic word you know.

Anyway upon browsing around the forums a little and viewing some of the other entries I simply shrugged the thought of voting for him off because I'm not particularly fond of signing up just to do a half-assed vote and for that I wasn't feeling hardworking enough.

I suppose the results came out a few days back or something. But before what I saw a while ago everything was fine and dandy and hell yeah I was feeling very alright.

"Everyone betrayed me..."

I don't know if you call that betraying, or if he even meant it for us, but yeah I'm overridden with guilt.

It's about time I get used to this new feeling though.

Back to the future

BAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW another one off my list. No pleasure knowing him.

What else should I post about?

Hmm. New rates maybe?

Anyway, here's a fact:

China is still far behind.

That's all.

Nothing left to say.

At this point of time,

Late Night Alumni -- Nothing left to say
Another day has come and gone
And I've been holding in..
Not holding on

Feeling out of place, I
I'm wanting to escape, I
I pack my bags with nothing left to say

It's when I think I've figured out
The figures simply turning
Inside out

Burn before it catches, I
I rummage through the ashes, I
I turn the page with nothing left to say

I'm forcing myself to work. It seems a little weird to me that I tend to need more preparations than anybody else before I can start working, such as washing my hands, adjusting the right volume for my speakers so the songs turn out right and other boring/lame shit that you won't be interested in.

The ironic thing about this is that I end up stopping work 30 minutes into it, which is really sad.

That's how I waste away most of my time anyway. I'm definitely skilled in time-killing.

Aaaa

I actually logged onto SP's blackboard instead of Blogger when I thought of posting something.

Anyway I thought I might as well post something else than lamenting about people and their stupidity (superiority complex at work here,) since the thing about frigging weblogs is that after you post whatever you're unhappy about you feel like taking it back.

Real hectic week because I was rushing through my assignments. Lots of vulgarities and shit but nobody gives a damn because they're all swearing as well.

While doing one of those assignments I realised that I haven't been producing ANYTHING since the start of this year. Hell, even producing skins that only I use is counted as something productive you know, providing 70% of my time is wasted in front of the screen.

I've been losing a lot of sleep too. No big deal - everybody loses sleep, but I think I owe sleep a huge debt, and I have to repay it by sleeping for, say, 2 weeks.

2 weeks' time of non-stop sleeping, that is.

Seriously, I have this feeling that if I still don't get some rest, I'll die of exhaustion one fine day.

The Awakening.

One of the most overused titles in history, but I can't really think of anything else.

Now this is strictly becoming a case of how much advantage can be taken of me, and I have absolutely no obligations to help anybody whatsoever. I did it not out of pity, nor out of trying to prove myself mentally superior to my peers, though I AM mentally superior compared to many of the people out there.

It's seriously goddamn disgusting when you have someone copy off your work saying that they don't know how to do and then giving no credit, apparently because they "only copied a little bit." That's why I fucking hate working in groups or teams - they leech information and they don't return it.

I'm not evil and I'm not trying to make them fail. There are certain things that I'd be willing to help if you ask, but when you go overboard and actually copy my idea, I take it that you're taking advantage of me to "try to do better than a pass using someone else's work."

Copyright, fags.

Today I let a great button technique to leak out, by accident really. There will be no more of such things, no more working in groups, no more help given to people.

I will recede back to my status of being a "don't know, don't care" bystander who gives no damn about how you're going to fail your exams. I might not do well in mine, but I'll make sure you don't do any better than me either.

Regarding my reflection period, I did quite a lot of anger management recently. It's hard work because I just lost my cool a few hours ago and it just seems as if everything is out to get me somehow. That might be something that I'd normally go through, but this means putting up with people and it goes beyond my basic rule of not tolerating any bullshit. I don't know really.

The problem now is that I no longer know how much to tolerate others before it becomes too much. I'm sure it varies from one person to another, but I think I'm on the extreme side.

Whatever really.

"BIG FUCK?"

Reflection time. A moment of peace and silence for myself please.

#1 screw up - Don't want to talk about it.
#2 screw up - Flakk is a noob.
#3 screw up - Ignore = ban.
#4 screw up - Owning classmate.

Just simply absurd. It's time for a little self control, a little more think-before-you-talk, and a hell of a lot of chill music. It's time to fall asleep, for a while.

I'm pulling your leg.

I don't like to judge people, but it's a habit to me, and I'm blunt about whatever I think about anyone. I say it out directly, loud and clear, sometimes beating around the bush, but otherwise straight in the face.

Apparently this gives people the impression that I don't think before I talk.

Anyway, while it's a habit, I don't really exercise judgment on my friends. It's unfair to criticise them directly, so I usually pull their legs a little just to see how they'll react to it, and it always becomes clear after a few minutes of teasing/lying/abusing that they're not out for friendship.

ALWAYS.

Which is one of the many depressing things in life.

I'll continue pulling this particular target's leg for awhile more. Updates to come.

Reminders.

There is just one think that I have ABSOLUTELY no fucking tolerance nor patience for - being ignored.

Especially in the virtual world where messages you send will remain intact within a window minimised neatly on your taskbar and FLASHING at your face waiting for a reply, you have absolutely no choice but to do so.

Whether you do it properly or not is entirely up to you. Nobody blames you for going crazy on a 10 year old just because he spams you repeatedly with requests telling you to teach him how to do something that any other person with common sense would be able to. At least you replied.

In fact it's common courtesy to do so. You don't have to have someone rage at you to actually learn this particular "rule."

Unless the other party's a faggot whom you have absolutely no interest in, but then you should have just blocked him.

Here, I have nothing to admit to not replying to any messages even though a great deal of time has passed since the last message. The only two reasons why I'd not see a message would be because either my computer crashed or you blocked me straight after you messaged.

The end.

Incredibly depressing to talk about common courtesy that even people older than me lacks.

Maybe I should just block the fags and let them emo for awhile.

Fate? Bullshit, I tell you.

Unfortunately my next post is actually 24 hours later.

"So you're telling me that I'm destined to put my **** inside your ****** for the rest of my life?"

That concludes the dirty side of fate, verbally.

Personally I don't believe in that shit, because if I were to believe in it, I would expect fate to calculate every 0.0000000000000001 second of my life properly up until the day I die, or the day everything vanishes. That is a lot of work.

Imagine "predicting" what would happen to a person every 0.0000000000000001 second, what he would do the next 0.0000000000000001 second, how everything around him would respond to his actions in the next 0.0000000000000001 second, and multiply that by the sheer amount of human beings on the planet, calculating every 0.0000000000000001 second, up until everything ceases to exist.

Fate, you have a lot of work to do - if I believe in you, that is.

Fate also brings about contradiction. If everything was destined to be the way it is, is luck still reliable? Miracles wouldn't be miracles, and your presentation tomorrow, supposedly calculated to fail at the word "fail," will also be calculated within the next 0.0000000000000001 to make your presentation "win," saving you from embarrassment. You think that's a miracle. Well I'm telling you that's not a miracle, you fate-fag.

So, in RPG terms, you either pump your skill points into fate, or luck. Pumping just one point in either makes the other useless and irrelevant, even if you have some 1337 armor to boost it up to 100. Nothing stacks in this case.

With this, I end my presentation. I'm lucky that I didn't fail because I failed badly for this presentation. Oops? *Blushes* What? I win. You know it. I'm a winner.

And the winner tells you that it was a miracle because he didn't believed in fate.

Lulz Love

it's hard to let go of you
but i had to
it's not easy to do so
and for that
i want you to know that you are the love of my life
the only one

to forsake you
i will apologise
but you must forgive me
for the road ahead requires a bit of your light
to shine on
to go on

for if you would fail to do so
it would be hard for me to cherish
everything we did together
and let no ifs be asked
after we turn away
later

in our next life, i hope
i would meet and fall in love with you again
even to forsake me
you wouldn't need to apologise
for this is the love i owed you
and i'm just giving it back

You're hearing this pile of bullshit from someone who hasn't been in love with anybody yet. Probably inspired by embarko LULZ.

Other aspects of my life? I return you a null value. Life has became completely dull and monotonous, such that I've got nothing interesting to discuss at all.

Till my next post. Later.

Road check.

I really hate reading previous posts because they just remind me how bad I am at this.

I'm still at nowhere to decide whether to continue this course or not. Just yesterday I had my group presentation to 1/4 of my class and 10 year 3 students. Not a good situation.

I tend to hate presentations not because I end up with my body shivering while presenting, but rather because I fumble over my own performance and end up knocking my head against the wall at the end of the day just to shut off my brain for a minute.

On other news, ex-classmate wipes class of yours truly off contact list. Reason being "srsly nth related already," with a "tq bb" signed at the end.

Shows a lot about her character. I'm not in any position to judge anyway.

China soil.

1) Soak the crystal-soil in water by the percentage for 12-24 hours.pour it out and filter away excess water.
2) Take the plant clean the roots and cut the rotten roots and leaves. put the plant into glass vase and pour the soil into the vase, add some water when the surface comes dry.
3) This product is no poisonous, no pollution. It will no go bad or color fade, contain fertilizer.
4) You should place this product where there is no direct sunshine. Make sure children cannot get it. It cannot be eaten.

I bet the plant is already dead.

Pen testing area.

Hello.

There was this subject brought up by a fellow anonymous (fellow because we're all anonymous) on an image board that I frequent. He asked "why are we anonymous alone?" Most of the people in there were alone because they felt society was being a pain in the ass. Others were, well, failures in life.

Just to let you people have a clue, board is /b/.

I'm not a real /b/tard. Maybe a fake one since I spam offline memes to some of my friends (also then resulting in mass verbal copypasta thinking they are cool.) I'm pretty sure I've been exposed to a lot more sickening stuff than them, and most probably some of you reading this now, that they're beginning to dull me.

Anyway, I don't feel that I'm the latter case as to why I'm alone. Maybe I misinterpreted alone as to being single, but either ways, it still doesn't apply to me. Society is a pain in the ass to me sometimes, not because most of the people out there are dumb (like what other anons approved on thread,) but rather because administration/registrations/admissions/commissions/applications/deferment/reception/anything that involves paperwork is real troublesome. It shows organisation, yes, but also lack of trust in others. That's how things are made, alright. There's nothing I can do.

I'm not keen on going along with it either. Revolution of this system is a very distant dream that none would have even dared to attempt to fall asleep for. There's nothing I can do.

There's nothing I can do.

Few gave advices (in which I greatly appreciate despite the somewhat impossible nature of some ideas) including getting a girl (I repel the opposite sex, mind you) or going out for a booze. Not legal age? No problem, as long as you avoid getting caught.

Well, it's not about seeking out girls as a form of motivation (that'd be more like trying to tell yourself to ignore your problems) or drowning yourself in alcohol so you can go all high forever till you sober up.

Sometimes when I look at people and the people around them I tend to ask myself why not, but the idea's always brought down by a idiot or two repeatedly trying to annoy me, even though I know it's not their original intention to do so.

So, having every attempt fail at some point as a result of my nature/unwillingness to take risks, there's nothing I can do.

Closer now?

"Am I wrong to want you near?
A bit of heaven with you beside me.
I see your face in the eyes of the sky.
But you are farther than, far tonight."

The first few words struck me so hard that I found myself asking "Am I wrong?" whenever an upsetting situation pops out of nowhere. Most of the time the answer is no though, so I don't have to do anything.

Well, it's my holiday. All I've wanted to do was to choose to enjoy my two weeks of free time without people trying to turn me off, but hey, some of em peeps out there are just so uptight about everything.

Example, a 16 year old whom I believe has never had anybody scolded "fuck off" into his face/*ahem* monitor screen *ahem* (I'll just call him a brat here) getting all whiny about having to take another 2 minutes to climb up a ladder... IN A VIDEO GAME?

What the fuck is going on, gentlemen? How can anyone actually think of starting such bullshit?

To contribute more to the lulz I'm going to do a mini chatlog from memory.

*me kills brat with grenade while doing nuclear strike and pwning him several times (WITHOUT CHEATS :D)*
brat: fuck you cheebye fucker
me: what?
brat: you have any fucking idea how long i took to climb up to the fucking roof?
me: 2 minutes.
brat: then fuck off because you can't count. (at this moment of time I was laughing at him because I thought he took more than 2 minutes to climb a 5 inch ladder compared to average noobs taking like... 30 seconds at most?)
me: fuck off i didn't play this game to hear you whine.
*consoles and amx_kicks brat*
flakk: flakk approves (<--- winner phrase for that day. Boosted my fucking morale by 10 times.)

What follows is the usual chat block in messenger. I mean, hey, all thy did was tell you to fuck off AND you can't take it already?

I'm not putting up with people like him. Nobody should.

Also, the SLS incident, which I'm not going into detail because somehow I just don't feel like talking about bad customer service.

At least I'm not putting up with people anymore. It's more of letting people do whatever they want. It's their freedom to do so anyway.

Just don't come complaining to me and asking "WHY, BYAN/neutral/cream/wuteva? WHY?" when I shove my DESU up your ass.

Belong

Forced to the BBQ party @ Sentosa, and I'm saying it here because none of my classmates know of my blog yet. BBQ was fine with 1/3 of the class turning up, like, 8 people? Depressing.

For the record, I walked all the way from the entrance to the resort.

How many of us would enjoy a kilometer walk to our destination, wasting 45 minutes of precious time knowing that something is going on somewhere else and yet refusing to take other alternatives to save time/energy?

You wouldn't find anyone as laid back as me.

I actually ENJOYED that walk. Seldom do I get the chance to actually walk alone at my own pace across such a "huge" distance and not having the need to look at flats along my way.

Took some photos with my phone. Typical shots so I won't be showing them, though I have this incredible urge to get a digital camera again.

Also, fast food delivery spree - KFC and McDonalds ate away at least 50 dollars within 5 days. Incredible.

That's all really.

#2

Sometimes, waiting for everything to take its course and being too lenient puts me at a severe disadvantage. People do take advantage of me, and I've actually wanted to tighten my grip on certain things that I'm always letting go of long ago. Soon, I guess.

I don't know how many times I've told myself to not put up with people anymore, and I did make some changes in my attitude to go along with it.

Today, I found out that this new attitude of mine is perfect.

8 weeks on the new road.

I'm totally convinced that our right brain fires itself up before we fall asleep. Was that proven in some experiment before?

I'm really lacking motivation to continue pumping out assignments and presentations week after week. I'm always worrying about deadlines and planning my time well only to finish everything at the last minute. I don't think it's my work attitude. I detest deadlines, that's all, but the bad thing is almost every line of work out there consists of deadlines.

I haven't thought about quitting, since I got everything to work out perfectly up until now, but I'm just not suited to life like this.

And it's not like I'll be better anywhere else, too.

I don't have anything else to say because everything is so fucking monotonous/cliched.

Hell, "I went out with xx today and got a new xx for my xx!!11!" is like everything my peers would write in their blogs. Even I succumb to this terrible habit sometimes.

So I'm just going to stop here.

Double the triple threat.

Everything just comes at the wrong time.

I'm digging my nose right now, simply meaning that I'm beating around the bush and what I've just said is also part of it.

The recent block/delete incident.

Where effort < time. I'd rather save time than to waste effort in talking, so that is both my answer and the solution to this neverending problem. Let's kick the hatred/rage/emo bullshit out too because it's not related in any way.

Topic closed for discussion. Try again next time.

The usual.

Food doesn't last and the sun never stops emitting dreaded light beams at us so it's the usual.

Banned: Adrenaline rush in a blood bath.

Save for everything that's burnt or dead already, there will be no bloodshed. While there are still problems trying to keep the neutrality within my own social circle, thy shall not harbor any resentment towards those whom I know and understand, and just those whom I know and understand.

Simply meaning, it does not include anyone before today, or otherwise, removed.

Ja.

Recap after use.

Hmm. Save my e-breath.

Rage level 80

CNY is fine.

Just felt detached after coming back and some of them just have to ruin it for me. Imagine not having enough sleep everyday consecutively for a whole month and someone attacks you with low grade sarcasm.

I don't give a fuck damn if my access is removed, since I don't really care to begin with. I treasure my real life more than my virtual one and I don't really feel any attachment to any of them out there.

What they don't know is that I'm a qualified block-delete-forget degree holder educated in the Byan Institution and also a record holder for highest amount of cuntrash eliminated from existence.

Gonna play my own game. Bye.

Split

Aaron is the man.

Ondas Silenciosas

I've got the urge to switch back to the previous blogskin.

Nothing wrong with functionality or appearance, I just feel like doing so. Probably won't though.

Natural Selection in Singapore is going to end soon, apparent through the pseudo-boycott of SGNS servers and the drawing on of Singapore players into USF by their very own HK community. I'm not sure how many of us are really active in the forums also, me having not logged in since some old man dismissed us because we "missed his point." Should pay a visit later.

Aside from that, I've been calm after collecting my results, except for some minor crashes with my memory which resulted in... a bruised head.

I have a few more hours to choose what I want to do in my future, and I still believe it's too early for a 17 year old.

Later.

We don't talk.

You don't sing no love songs...

... You don't tell me stories that you ever used to do, you never seem to realise your problem.

I'm not feeling particularly down, upset, overjoyed, whatever, as today's result is pretty much expected. I'm still disappointed at my english language though. Must be the composition that fucked it up.

Anyway, so much for not going out since the last day of O level exams. Aches are really a bother.

Nothing else actually, other than the fact that someone got 6 points for L1R4. I definitely hope it's a lie.

It is, isn't it? He's no smart guy if he can't even control his temper, let alone 6 A1s? Bullshit.

Seriously I don't think my IQ is lower than his. So much for being an idiot.

Ppl.

PEOPLE

in an awe-struck position
like you've just lost your religion
drifting back into the line
just simply awe-struck

of all of the billions
less than a million
would see your face
let alone hear you say

or rant, or scream out into the depths
of your kitchen where a thousand knives
point towards your back
you're just food for the masses

and the thousands stolen
oxygen from under your nose
with each breath struggling
or maybe you should switch to plants

each goes by the time you've devoted
yet giving it up to another uncredited
when they become the diamonds that women wear
you're just a dull rock at nowhere

Random bullshit dedicated to a lot of people I know just simply because you make me sick.

Planning to release a final version of the map that I'm editing (without the Mammoth Tank, no reason why I should waste my time making another buggy unit that requires several testing sessions with people that are not only interested in it, but attempt to ruin it by talking about something else) and that's it. No more map editing for my circle because they're not keen on playing my maps.

Just for the record, I can spend more than 7 hours on 1 fucking version just polishing a few triggers and worst of all it doesn't help in any way in my career next time.

Seriously I feel like chopping off your heads and burning that map (entitled ID, Impotent Dickheads,) but since it's not a real map I don't think burning my computer will help, will it?

Also, NS is another sad story for me. I don't feel like going into it though. Maybe I should just retire from the internet altogether.

Fuck you whores for making my day. As for those NS gays who were always there asking me if I need testers, a big thank-you - you people know how to appreciate efforts more than those who would only know how to ejaculate on the monitor screen.

Bye bye.

Humji cream.

It might be weird hearing this from me, but the truth is that I don't like arguing, whether in real life, online, forum threads, anywhere. I have a few reasons:

1) I'm a little dyslexic with regards to writing.

Fancy writing out your replies based on whatever is coming to your mind (at an incredible speed too,) then removing the paragraph altogether and redo it all over again.

2) Bad interpretation.

I often have difficulty understanding points/meanings, thus I always end up taking a neutral stance to stop myself from making too many mistakes.

3) What others say is a pain in the ass.

After posting I am generally eager to check for replies, even knowing that I won't be able to accept what they're going to say. I read it, I take it hard, I fret, I feel the bitter sting of defeat.

4) Highly intelligent replies specialised in giving you a full stop.

Some replies just forces you to stop talking, and to stop talking is to admit defeat, as with all debates. Once you stop talking, it just simply mean you're out of points, thus you lose.

5) General audience.

It hurts when you're arguing against the crowd. While you're being true to yourself by doing so, the sheer amount of critical remarks can eventually wear you out. I have a weakness to such remarks thus I tend to avoid replying against them.

Anyway, my past few memorable experiences in arguing online (mostly in forum threads) has actually been quite painful for me. I used to practice CAP-TALKING while swearing at people around my age only to be termed as "childish," and my posts directed at people much older is generally stopped by their persistence in daring me to "call us (them) and talk things through like a man."

So, I learned it the hard way. I was hoping that the users at SGHL forums would be able to teach flakk the same lesson but apparently they're no match for his england prowess. Oh well.

Another thing is that people are pretty unsure of me as a person and my character. The impression is that I usually get angry at people easily, act superior, etc, but let's just take it as part of my external appearance.

It is true that, I AM angry when I get angry online, I'm not faking it. The thing is that it only happens when I'm around people. To fully understand Byan, you don't talk to him - you observe him when he's alone.

I used a third person's perspective there just to reinstate the fact that what I am now is different from what I am when I'm alone.

Finally, it's good to see everyone getting along with their life. I've repeated this for 99999 times and I'm going to repeat it again.

"About time I move on."

He got my message.

I'm on the verge of sweeping dirt off my contact list, although I decide I will do it after I get my results.

That's all.

Heinz Tuna Mayonnaise

I've always thought Kai Yuan was uttering bullshit on his nickname when I first added him, but turns out he's got the same hobby as Balth - upside down nicknames. I mean what is "unh !e>"? It looks like moonspeak at first sight but read it upside down and backwards and it becomes "cei yun."

I swear it's bullshit when everybody's sleeping and I'm sitting here eating my tuna with mayonnaise.

Yeah and I just found out that I have some weird medical problem that requires circumcision and I'm feeling pretty damn upset by it. I mean, there's no other way to fix this stupid problem without pain other than having my foreskin ripped off while I'm in deep sleep, AND I HAVE TO ENTER A HOSPITAL!

1) I hate operations.
2) I hate operations where I have to be anesthetized.
3) I hate operations where the operating location is not my room or my toilet.
4) I hate operations to have anything to do with my manhood.
5) I hate operations that involve people touching my manhood without my permission.

Fine, since I agreed to the operation point 5 is invalid but who likes having other people touch your deek and actually REMOVE something from it?

You know, I think I'll go by the stretching method, though it'll take longer, and it's gonna be painful. However thinking of not being able to bed a woman properly is already more painful than this. I have to endure... shiiiit...

Please keep this a secret also, though I guess it's too late.

There's also another problem of me slouching against the chair too much until the point where I can't get up or get down either. To move myself up would be cracking my own neck then resulting in temporary neck-bind for a few days and to move down would be slamming my butt against the floor, then having major misery when doing my business (pain in the ass indeed.) Dilemma.

So basically I lie down there and call for help. If there's no one around in the house I seek people currently online and type an SOS message to them for some suggestions on how to return to the normal sitting position without getting hurted. It's not like they are that willing to help me though. Most of them just told me to bang my ass because it's less important to us humans.

A few more discoveries that I've made over the past few days:
- I have 2 pillows.
- The ceiling fan trembles when it spins.
- My pot is still empty.
- I've been collecting empty CD cases.
- I've been peeing a lot.
- My puzzle has been neglected.

Yeah. I tend to take people's personal messages into consideration if it is pointing to a particular someone. Whether I am the target or not doesn't matter, I just shoot back. After my "do not believe in christians" campaign a few days back I've been paying more attention to my christian friends and their personal messages. Watch out, you are in my line of fire.

I thought I might as well list down a few of the things that you should never do to Byan:
1) Try to convert him into your cult.
2) Hide things from him.
3) Logo him with your spraypaints.
4) Tell him to fuck off/shut up.
5) Think he's the same guy as yesterday.
6) Feed him with poisonous food.
7) Borrow money from him.
8) Get close to him when you're a christian.

I said "a few of the things" I didn't said "all." I am keeping some of them a secret so I can rage at you without you knowing why.

Later. God should bless himself/herself/itself from today onwards, but you don't really bless a dead man do you?

Christians.

My personal experiences with christians began when I was just a little kid. I enrolled into a church school and there I had to pray before meals etc etc.

Nevermind that. After speaking to my dear LHS on the issues of christians, God, and a whole lot of bullshit conjured up by them (sorry to offend but it's my belief and you have to respect it ok,) I have decided to share my own thoughts. You can argue this and that but you're just going against a wall - they're not facts, they're just my beliefs.

Behold!

There isn't any God. Gods/deities/divine beings/other bullshit are just human imagination gone haywire. You praise a dead man everyday, thanking him for all he has given you - text. Nothing but text and more text. You depend on text to live, believing that a dead man is talking to you. Dead man tells no lies, so if it isn't a dead man who is talking to you, it's all lies, isn't it?

I don't want to go into the old testament or whatever that evil book is called. But if you are a christian, get a copy of it and read it for yourself to see how much has christianity evolved into your modern day "book of wisdom", written by man, fallible, just utter bullshit.

I am so damn sorry for offending you if you're a christian but I see you people as general and I stereotype you people because I am so damn tired of hearing the same shit all over again. Keep your damn beliefs to yourselves will you? Spare the non-believers because if they don't believe in christ how can they believe in the devil and therefore labelled as "satanist"? CONTRADICTION

Hmm. Believe me I can destroy christians mentally and cause psychological trauma by bombarding them with tons of facts but I won't continue.

"IT PAINS ME TO SEE YOU LIEK THIS." - Byan

I cut my point straight la hor. I don't like christians that try to convert me or insult my religion or anybody else's, neither christians that spam "OH GOD YOU ARE SO GREAT" every single fucking day. I swear I will delete you one day.

You will go "OMG Byan is a satanist we MUST RID HIM IMMEDIATELY." I will be sitting at my monitor lololol-ing away at j00 while you attempt to do so.

Like what I said on my personal message IF YOU CAN PUT AWAY WHAT YOU BELIEVE OR WHO YOU BELIEVE IN I BELIEVE WE CAN BE GOOD FWENZ.

Iijou da.

Thoughts.

Hello. I am suffering from a block right now, as in mental block. I can't think.

Amidst soiled reputations and the ego of veterans lie the controversy between them. In fact when you look at the situation of NS in Singapore there isn't really any sides you can take. Opinions differ so much, each with a little bit from both sides and the hypocrisy around that you can never know who is with you and who is not.

Despite that and my own beliefs, I am out to have my fun and I am not going to let anyone spoil it.

Then sometimes I find myself lacking people to go out with, whom I am comfortable with, etc. Basically lack of close friends. It sucks being everybody's fair-weather friend instead of being the closest friend to just one person. I guess I will have to live with it.

I got nothing else to say really. As for those who might be pointing at me with their speak-pistol let me tell you that I got no time for you and you're just emo.

The watch stops.

It was a few years ago when I stumbled upon a poorly designed blog page belonging to one of my long forgotten friends. Being the relatively new blog it was, with only around 2 - 3 posts since creation, I was surprised to see one of the posts having a comment on it, so I clicked on it out of curiosity.

I read the comment and "Oh dear, this woman is suicidal."

From that day onwards I removed my own blog from the public listings and stopped Google from hunting down my blog.

Speaking of Blogger's comment system, I don't see why one should have BOTH the comment system and a tagboard in place. Fine, the comment system is to comment on a particular post and the tagboard is for everything under the sun, but when you have a tagboard who'd bother to even comment on your posts?

In my opinion, tagboard providers provide tagboards too compact for their own good, and Blogger's comment system is just a pain in the ass to use, having you click on the button only to wait up to minutes for the new page to load.

The best? Not using any one of them at all. Feedbacks are usually crap anyway.

That aside...

A few discoveries I've made over the past few days:
- There is always a time in life when you feel too tired to sleep.
- Tomato X + Tomato Y = Super Tomato, where X is usually something solid and tomato flavored, while Y is a liquid with a high percentage of tomato flavoring or tomato as an ingredient.
- Sorries over the internet, even if insincere, can work as well as a formal apology.
- Girls are not afraid to let the opposite sex know if they are having PMS on a particular day.
- I cannot track skulks.
- Dolls and soft toys perform the best sex positions in 21st century.
- There isn't any food in the kitchen.

I am not very keen on retaining my connections with people nowadays. I seek peaceful solutions to end their bullsh!t and that's all. What they do after that isn't much of my business to know or care. Besides, I have work to finish since the blue screen took away the woman I was vectoring.

With that I end my post.

PS. I forgot how to kill Astaroth, so I wouldn't have killed him in my dreams.

Deep sleep.

I haven't been dreaming all that much until recently when I forced myself to sleep without covering my face. While I feel it's more of a disadvantage to me, it still boils down to whether if you feel that you had a satisfying sleep after you wake up.

Dreaming comes after you have fallen into deep sleep, so if a person hasn't been having dreams all that much he must be lacking proper sleep. While it may be bad, he/she might have been better staying that way.

Falling into deep sleep after not having done the same for nearly half a year worth of sleeping time isn't going to be pleasant. After waking up you feel detached from reality, as if still in dream state, you lose track of time and if you are surrounded by the usual sight of the night in it's glory you wonder if dawn's about to break, or that dusk is already past you.

It's that kind of sensation, together with your dreams, that makes you feel empty inside, as if you are watching a film play by itself, while acting as the main character at the same time. You don't get paid - your pay is whatever that you feel with your 5 senses, or maybe the 6th as well.

To judge time together with your dream is impossible because we lose track of it halfway through our slumber. However there is this strange feeling that has been accompanying me recently, that I felt that it is time to wake up, my dreams are too long.

It was a deep peaceful sleep today, for around 10 hours I slept on, dreamed on, about the weirdest of things at the weirdest of places. First I visited my primary school with one of my secondary school teachers, when I met my primary school teacher and she cried upon seeing me. The next moment I was fighting Astaroth from Omikron: The Nomad Soul in one of the planes of Oblivion from TES4: Oblivion. I lost the first, fighting with my fists, then I tried with a magic artifact from the Omikron game. I did not get to see the ending of the fight. Finally I was faced with my primary school teacher again, when I told myself that it is time to wake up - and I did.

Enough of dream-talk.

I am going to remove those who have removed me from their list. No point keeping people who can't see me there.

I also want to congratulate myself for having practiced anger management - twice. I am on my way to achieve inner peace.

That's all.

If you would ask me...

It is really at times like this when I wonder who are the real friends around me. Judging from those whom I am not paranoid towards neither sensitive, how can I not lack trust in them if they were to regard me as nothing but a passerby? There is no way to discern the flaws in either one of our character, yet I am blaming them. So am I in the wrong? I have gone through this for 17 years straight, plus problems rising inside of my family. If god(s) were to exist, would this be retribution? Or a fundamental flaw in my character? Or just that I am meeting the wrong people at the wrong time, trusting them but setting too wide a distance between us?

How many have moved on in life, yet I am still down here wondering again and again. If anyone were to be the culprit, would it be time? Time is not human, it isn't an individual, so can I blame others for this life?

If I have anything else to say, would the trains stop moving for the passengers to listen to me, before each of them are disregarded as another passerby? What about tomorrow, when most of us will wake up, not knowing that someone has shut us out of sight?

So I asked why, yet who should I ask? In the moment of anger, day becomes night and even so, eternal? These are the times when I recite, to myself, as for to why, why is why never answered by anyone from the light, if I am cursed with evil stares behind my back.

When paranoia wouldn't answer me, I struggled and fought, against an army of questions, of each are armed with shields thicker than any blood and higher than the sky I see. I ask why to them, yet there is no reply. So now I ask you why, why did you people do this to me, and that where else in the world can I find, the exact definition of a friend for life?

The Angry Otoko...

... and many others.

It is sad to see the Natural Selection scene in Singapore falling apart after so many years. The question as to why it isn't properly resolved can be simply answered by the fact that there are a lot of different opinions in the scene.

I am going to consider these 3 factors as part of the downfall of NS in Singapore:

1) Lack of game ethics and respect for other players. Examples should be fairly obvious; advanced lifeforms in small games, veterans spraying newbies and all that.

2) Time. Unlike the sheer fan base of CS, NS has little players to begin with. What is more troublesome is the usual duties in life; school, exams, work, army. Most of the players in the past just had to be around these ages.

3) Poor quality of servers. This was not the case in the past because we HAD servers, but NO ONE to join. Now we have a SGNS server running in part of their plan to "promote Natural Selection" as a game to other players in Singapore. What I doubt is their ability to handle the players and their true motive for setting up a server in the Natural Selection scene.

I have a little more to elaborate on 3.

Background information on the last remaining server:
- Has heavy swear filters, which is ironical because even the word 'stupid' is censored, while offending ones like 'cunt' are not.
- Administrators pop up vote commands every once in a while. Some of these votes are not proportional to the player size. For example, the vote question reads "Do you want combat maps?" followed by 2 choices "Yes" and "No." Only ONE yes is needed from any player to have combat maps.
- Administrators are older than old, otherwise too young to even argue on equal terms. Most of them are also new players in the scene, thus knowing nothing about ethics.
- Administrators are too strict for the good of the server. Impartial to public opinion and firmly fixed on their own. Stubborn.
- The server practices monarchy as their form of governing players. It can be simply expressed by the line "If you don't like it here, you get out," except the "get out" part is issued as a command from an administrator, thus making it a server based on monarchy.

You can argue, from the way I typed out the background information on the server and heavily making reference to the administrators as being part of the problem, that it is filled with prejudice. Seeing is believing. You have to wait till you see it.

Server matters aside, Windows Live Messenger is a god-sent gift.

Why so? 1) It is sent by YJ, who is a Christian and 2) Messenger Plus works with it.

With Messenger Plus, I found out that quite a few of the people in my list deleted me off. Statistics, statistics:

By type:
2 NSPlayers
5 CSPlayers
10 Ex-classmate
2 Schoolmate
4 TSPlayers
1 Misc
2 SGPlayers

By gender:
20 Males
6 Females

Next, with Windows Messenger Live, I found out how many contacts I have blocked/deleted off. The number is... 57. Too much to sort into types and gender.

Ironically those that I always thought to have deleted me off have not yet done so. I love the people in this group.

"And all that I can grant you, as a eternal gift, is death."

Shitty films.

25/750 pieces missing. Completed on 7/01/07.

I am not sure if the details are clear, but it is a picture of a cat with 3 words "Record Of Memories" at the bottom of the puzzle.

I am going to complete a 1000 pieces set next.

That is about all that I am doing nowadays. My absence in MSN messenger yesterday is not intentional. I forgot to sign in that's all.

By the way, Borat the movie sucked.

Hello everyone.

"I'm amazing."

That is a parody of a guitar tutorial video by Yngwie Malmsteen. Why that guy? 1) He is the guitar god and 2) his hairstyle is made of goodness, classic afro.

I have just finished watching Ghost in the Shell: Innocence. Half of the time they were spamming poetic phrases so it is pretty hard to understand what was the problem. I just simply love shit that I don't understand, especially when it is in motion.

I do not know the maturity rating for that movie but I believe it is definitely over 18 because I don't think my fellow mates will be able to take the gore. It left a strong impression on me nevertheless.

Other than that and the stuff that I don't understand, it is a thought-evoking masterpiece, dealing with philosophical views on life, death, consciousness, souls and dolls. Yes, dolls.

On others, I trimmed my cacti already. Well I can not really call it trimming because I actually removed all of them. I will get a young one from my grandmother one of these days.

Did I mention that I am doing jigsaw puzzles recently? They are just something to waste my time on. It is really a test of patience and shit. The current one I am working on took me around 6 hours already and I am not even halfway through. 750 pieces - mock me if you want.

I will post a photo of it once I get it completed. It is one of my favorite jigsaw puzzles to date.

I almost forgot too; E tu sei per me.

I said I was going to close the chapter on love, so I will not elaborate further on it.

Overpour - Part 2

E tu sei per me.

Shortly after I published the previous post my room was rearranged. I was initially against it because I had not came up with a plan for my 'ideal bedroom'.

Anyway, it was hard work, even though my mother did 90% of the job, moving the metal safe across the room and throwing away junk. Most of the cupboards in my room are stuffed with photo albums anyway, so most of the items thrown away are papers and books. What's left is to move the computer table and that is it.

I went down to get a new pot for my cacti. Grandmother told me that I have to choose just 1 cactus out of the whole colony to keep so it will grow big, otherwise there will be overcrowding and all of them would compete with each other. I have not gotten around to trimming it yet, partly because of the guilt of ripping them off the soil and throwing them away after they have grown to such a size.

Maybe it was just bad timing and all, but I just had to be faced with one of my cousins, who lacked discipline and guidance from their long-divorced parents. I see them as equal and I don't look down on them at any time, but seeing their attitude towards their grandmother it is just plain sad.

I am utterly disgusted. They are even lower than me.

I slept around 2 PM then, waking up just 2 hours ago with a bad neck ache and hotter-than-normal air being exhaled out from my nose. I am going down with a fever soon.

Then TSC struck up a conversation with me just a few minutes ago, saying that I don't weigh 120 Kg and I should be playing games because my computer is always full of them. I took it hard, but I don't blame him - it is common that people generally assume you to be the same as the way you met them the last time before noticing how much you have changed.

I will trim my cacti, arrange my computer desk and 'IN DA HOUSE' all the way till morning.

Later.

PS. I am turning deaf.

Overpour.

E tu sei per me.



These are my pet cacti and they are offspring of a single surviving cactus from a colony in which I brutally murdered off one by one by cutting their stems into half with a pen knife. I kept the last surviving one because I just wanted to own a pot.

As you can see, they have completely occupied the small pot that I am using, coupled with soil that lacks nutrients after supporting so many other plants before them, thus their barbs are not the healthy yellow.

Despite having kept this pot of cute little urchin-like cacti (they are pretty round-shaped, strangely) for such a long time, I still don't know what species they belong to. They, however and apparently, have incredible reproductive abilities, as the first cactus was actually severed from its parent (brutally, too) and buried under soil. They have non-poisonous barbs. I know because I got several of them into my hands and did not die from it.

I have been wanting a new pot with new soil to transplant my cacti over, but my mother is just plain forgetful. Mosquitoes have been breeding on the dish that I placed below the pot (what is the name again?) since it has been raining quite a lot for the last few weeks.

Nevertheless, I am proud of raising these children (did not even water them actually, since the rain did most of the job) and having them survive despite slaughtering their great grandparents in the past. I sincerely hope that they would forgive me, otherwise I would have to exterminate another batch of cacti with scissors instead.

I am definitely not a likely candidate on your list of people to talk to regarding matters on relationships and emotions. I would attribute the problem to my external appearance and behaviour.

Nevertheless during my little brief chat with YJ, he spilled some beans on his love life. From there onwards it seems as if his mentality on boy-girl relationships does not really differ from mine, though he is still unable to pull himself away from it. Perfectly understandable, though I am not trying to say that we should all avoid such relationships - it is fine, but now is definitely not the right age for us.

I believe that it takes a hell lot of maturity to get into a serious relationship. By serious I mean being and having the right person, with a proper ending to it and not just scenes that imitate poorly written scripts for drama stories where dramatic breakups ensue.

With that I close the chapter on love, hopefully. I am not befitting of a dramatic relationship with any girl because 1) they are girls and 2) I can no longer give myself to anybody, even if they want me.

I am still seeking to complete my wishlist by the end of this month, perhaps a job too. Ex-classmates and net pals are forcing me into believing that not having a job is 'a waste of time.' I do not believe that statement is the truth. As much as I want to tell them to piss off since this holiday is mine and I can spend it anyway I like, I figured it is better to let them continue.

Why? Because I have to suppress my rage. I have to perform therapy and reverse psychology on myself. I have a goal to reach. I have to have inner peace. I cannot let anyone get into my head.

How many times must I repeat myself anyway?

Yoko Kanno - Velveteen (feat. Troy)

Seeing you in my tears
In my own reflection
I hear you in the wind that passes through me

Feel you in my hunger
You're haunting my ambition
Beautifully destructive attraction

Climbed to zero G's
Now falling like a rock
Drugged and digitized you inside a dream

E tu sei per me...

L’aria che respiro
l mio cibo, ciò che osservo
magico sei tu! E io sento che...
Sono innamorata di emozioni
smisurate, infinite ormai!

A velveteen equation

I find you in my fears
and in my fascination
I taste you in safe water and it drowns me

Paranoid and peaceful
Inside a sweet addiction
Velvety electrical reaction

Soft insanity
And I can't make it stop
Live hallucination within a dream

E tu sei per me...

L’aria che respiro

il mio cibo, ciò che osservo
magico sei tu! E io sento che...
Sono innamorata di emozioni
smisurate, infinite ormai!

A velveteen equation

Magico, questo è un grande amore
Magico, questo è un grande amore

E tu sei per me...

"To hold an object in your own eyes as another one of your kind, is part respect, part sympathy and a whole lot of unequal comparison."

That is exactly what makes television a stranger, not a strange object. To respect something that doesn't live, has no consciousness, no soul and no mind of its own is of course, nonsensical.

That is exact, however, the exact reason why you are worshipping deities or gods.

If you do not understand what I have just said, I have failed.

07 post.

I don't see any reason why we should go for countdown parties a few hours before the new year.

The Earth revolves. We have different timezones around the world, so how can you count down to the most accurate new year hour when there are new year celebrations occurring each hour?

Besides, there's a problem with our watch/clock not synchronized with each other, so which second is the actual last second to the new year?

Date/time/year is a form of time logging for humans. 365 days and a quarter of it might be a miscalculation, though. Humans are fallible. What if it was 365 days and 1/8 of it? Christmas would have been earlier for all of us.

There is no effective way or proof, other than your calender, which is an unreliable source of evidence, to prove that now is the new year. Time on your watch/clock, even, is just a form of reminder. Not like I have anything against such stuff though.

Imagine, that if we didn't have something called years, I would have been 6236.25 days old already.

"How old are you?"
"I am 6236.25 days old."

In my opinion, it sounds much cooler than a puny number such as 17.

Resolutions:

"To not get struck down by a truck." - someone

I have a resolution - 2007 will be over in a second, including subsequent years to come.

Other stuff:

I seek to complete all my previous RPGs (either with cheats or not) then maybe getting a job somewhere close to earn a little money. I think I will put down several items here as my wishlist.

The creamy wishlist:
- New RAM (I left the case open which resulted in faulty RAM)
- 19 inch monitor (which I wanted to get while assembling my new com last time)
- Tablet (I am sick of drawing with my mouse)
- HL2 (for NS sequel)
- Get laid (highly impossible, not that I lack self-confidence)
- O LEVEL RESULTS < 17 (hopefully)
- Frag records in multiplayer games

I struggled to think of other things to add on but I couldn't. This is where you can't apply creativity to, otherwise your list will end up with items such as having a computer which can fly you to the moon and, after dropping 9000 feet from the sky, remain intact.

That's it.