And for the monthly shit.

http://yourguysxxxposed.blogspot.com/ - Victims are fail, and since victims are fail, the blog fails too.

They actually wasted their time talking to social defects. Spare me baby. University life so qing song one ar? Got so much time talk with tiko in IRC one meh?

2 days back Vasu started some pseudo religious war. I can't remember much, but he mentioned something about God's gender then went about calling Christians hypocrites.

Makes me wonder about religions.

I don't have any religion, nor do I believe that we started from a single cell, yet I wouldn't call myself a free thinker or a skeptic just because I belong nowhere.

I believe that religion is hopeless salvation. It is there for the sake of temporary serenity, separation from troubles, maybe to make you repent for your wrongdoings and to reassure yourself regarding the matter of death. In short, soul propaganda for the weak human race.

I bless. (No God please.)

Nessib - The Silenced

No pictures :( I'll sum this up quick.

Last week:
For five days I slept at the 12am to 3am range. Saturday was fine, with 12 hours of deep sleep leaving me crawling to my com chair. Yea... it was a fine day... and the only fine day.

On Friday though, we had a talk by our principle on some untitled shit telling us to buck up. All the while comparing, comparing, comparing, and comparing our marks with the previous batch (which is also my batch). Sadly despite all the lecturing and shit talks I'm still not motivated.

I saw Mrs Teo too, although she was busy counselling some malay girl. Nothing to say to her.

This week:
Today is the day...

I went to school feeling fucked up as usual.

Chemistry lesson I took all the fucking stuff and returned almost everything myself. The teacher came over and scolded me for "doing nothing". Fine. I stood up to "do something" and then I was scolded again, just because I was waiting for that motherfucking kid to move away from the sink so I can use it. Angst.

Chinese lesson I got praised for my composition.

Maths lesson Soon asked for those who didn't do his/her homework to stand up. I stood up immediately.

English lesson I got back my comprehension test. 27/50. Fuck comprehension.

Social sleeping lesson.

A maths I went on a high and nearly exploded. Enough.

- cut -

I am exhausted. Aunt hasn't been writing back, Balth went to the army, Cyke busy with his stuff, old gang probably buried by now, family shit, people in school, blah.

I wonder how I made it this far.

Goodnight.

Memories.

[09:31:02 PM] cash is king: lol qss corridor
[09:31:07 PM] neutral | b: i lol'd
[09:31:09 PM] neutral | b: you noticed
[09:31:13 PM] cash is king: yea
[09:31:19 PM] cash is king: memories ah

PS: The weird character in front of my nick explains the 1337ness of it. Go figure.

On Saturday morning I recieved a SMS from my father, saying that his uncle died and we're supposed to attend his funeral on 7pm that night. Mother said not to go, and therefore I told him we're not going, but he insisted on at least bringing one of us along.

No one wants to go, partly due to hatred for my father's side of the family. Personally I don't have much hatred for them, but my siblings do. I believe it's my mother's fault for instilling into my siblings the mentality of them being bad people, but then again, it only seems normal to me for one to do that.

Upon divorcing, that is.

I have never seen my father's uncle before and I don't believe I'm really that close to him, but I'm feeling guilty about not going. It might be pity or sympathy, or just curiosity to discover how a funeral looks like, but I don't think I have a valid reason to go anyway.

I spoke to Wee Chun about the chinese poem we were told to memorise for not handing up homework on time. Turns out he hates the teacher as much as I do, and is planning to switch bands once tomorrow's listening examination is over. Well sometimes after a while you begin to see two sides of the problem, namely the good and the bad, and now it happens. I can't say that I am getting used to the band, nor that I have given up trying to get out of it, but I am starting to live life the way it is, and that's a problem.

The big O looms closer.

So... Who do you fuck?

The commander or the idiots?

Note-worthy: I skipped school despite having a common test.

I still strongly believe that if there is something that I would not do, I will do whatever it takes to not do it. I believe in having freedom, rather than being restricted by ethics and religion.

With that kind of thinking, you become a rebel against society.

I chose not to attend chinese lessons. It is a decision made without much thought, however the reason behind it is strong, firm - I can't stand chinese lessons, and so I skipped school.

I wonder if people are able to tolerate more than I can? Then again their torment might not be as bad as mine. Not interested to know and/or compare. I hate to compare myself to others. It makes me think that I am abnormal.

I AM abnormal. Shit.

Time for an actual post.

To blog about my life is to undergo another painful process of thinking what to write and how to put it down without making it sound too suicidal so that I can finally be assured that it won't leak out things that I don't wish to leak out, yet at the same time, because I'm doing this, my blogs often lose their actual purpose as a real blog.

So I'm planning to switch bands for chinese lessons. The current band I'm in is driving me crazy to the point that I don't feel like even attending school on days with chinese lessons. Sounds like a way to escape but seriously, I want to get out of that band.

I personally feel that it's shameful thing if you drop chinese when you're a chinese yourself. I'm not bad of a chinese speaker, and I believe I can pass the exams if I tried, but no, not with all the torment from attending my chinese lessons nowadays.

Few months ago I decided to drop A maths. I had a slight misunderstanding with my father because of this, including sleepless nights. The teacher wanted a letter and I told her "Nevermind. I'll continue." Now with this chinese band shit popping out of nowhere, I'm afraid that history might just repeat itself.

Really a pain to live.

That corridor.

Am I wrong to feel this way?
And tonight tears fall down in the darkness.
Or do you see them all from a distance.
And will you come to me and make them go away?
A little closer now, it's where you need to breathe.

Picture taken in my school. Third floor corridor where I always hang out in the morning and/or breaks during holiday lessons. As for the sentimental stuff, it was where I heard my ex-classmates going into the hall for their O level exams last year.

Seriously, the only place with a sight I don't hate in the school.