Daily qualms.

I have a lot of friends. Fair-weathered ones.

If I had a choice I wouldn't even bother socializing with them but there are always group projects popping out in my course (another reason why I hate it) so I have no choice but to play along.

I've seen people come and go in my life. I've had moments when I thought I found true friendship, only to have it crept behind my back and puncture a hole through my chest, or moments when the unexpected ones come to me with sincerity only to have the chance slip through my fingers.

It's not easy even for someone who doesn't live to love.

Situations like these have been repeating as long as I can remember, and the only reason why I would want to talk about it will obviously be the fact that it has happened again.

So, what happened?

I don't see myself as generous, to be honest, but I stay away from excessive trouble especially when it comes to money. If you're going to charge me four dollars and a few cents for something that you helped me pay for (which is the exact cost,) I'll gladly give you five and let you keep the change.

But there's a limit to how many times I'm willing to do such a thing, because when it repeats itself it gives me a feeling that you're trying to take advantage of me.

Then, there's also the classic time wasting tactic employed by almost everyone. Like if I were to go home at 1pm, and you ain't feeling particularly entertained enough at that point of time, you'll lie to me and tell me that you're going to go home with me, but "I have to eat lunch first because there's nobody at home to cook for me." So you buy your lunch, finish up on it and I asked you if you're ready to go.

"No. I think I'm going to stay. Bye."

I am not an attractive person with a good sense of humor. I can't make people laugh, I don't impress them and I actually don't give much of a damn about them either. What actually draws people to me, is my ability to work. It's something like your hardworking friend back in secondary school that you always ask answers from to copy for your homework.

Fortunately, and unfortunately for them, I don't give out the information easily. Not to say that I extort money from them for the answers, but I teach only the minimum. It's simply because I'm not their teacher, I'm not supposed to tell them what to do, I'm not their parents/guardian, I don't care if they fail, and I, as their friend, should never ruin their life by providing them with all the answers so they can get fired at the first day of their job for not knowing what the hell the pen tool's for.

But doing that means you lose your influence on them. I sound pretty manipulative here huh.

I don't like to see myself as "using" them to further myself. It's a fair trade really, but when I feel I'm at a disadvantage, I'm ready to go to war to get back on equal terms.