I am defeated again.

The Dark Room

getting used to the dark where
nothing gets reflected into my eyes
neither my mind

so i reached out for anything in there
silently, lifelessly, limping across the cold marble
into the black screen

where the light wouldn't see me
where i'll remain to hide my eyes
yet i saw with consciousness

or rather imagined, the path out as a beginning
out of the womb into this broken doll house
from the loving one

the pain embraced her, but i don't know how much i gave
as happiness or relief, or how i came here
on my own

i've wished in death's name, wished for the eternal
while i slept on every night,
for me whom may be dismayed?

yet death seemed to have forgotten it's name
or just unable to take someone who is already dead
away

and in the familiar darkness my life continues
waning bit by bit as my body drifts into the void
it's as long as it takes

Took me quite awhile to finish it. It's my latest piece of emo shit written in the middle of the night. Without any lights on, obviously.

Untitled

how many times i laid there like a dead man
waiting for the music to shake me awake
then the bass started whispering
my ears tingled

which is why that many times i laid there defunct
for the moment that i'll fall asleep
then the bass started booming
my ears hurted

but so many times i laid there like a corspe
life drained but music's still playing
then the bass started screaming
my ear drums nearly bursted

so that many times i laid there lifeless
everything going in slow motion
then the bass started fading away
my ears?

That's one of the older stuff.

Mood swings isn't a good thing. Other than ruining relationships with people, it has also caused me to delete some of my older poems when I'm not comfortable with it.

Evasive. That's one of the rare (and transient, I might add) non-primal trait that the society today instills into people. We evade subjects, topics or anything that involves sensitive, controversial issues like life and death, seeking out alternatives to 'cure' ourselves like therapy or counseling.

I find it unnecessary. The irony here is that most of us BELIEVE (or know) that it's a problem, yet we try to run away from it by delving into more 'interesting' subjects, which primary aim is just to keep our path in life straight, to not lose faith, to stop ourselves from straying.

There is no original route you must take, as said by one of our own countrymen in some random forum on the topic 'the purpose of life';

"How about to experience and live out your own beliefs?"

Running away has completely no relation to living out your beliefs. Anyone with basic common sense would be able to understand that.

It is true that what you believe in, be it religion, culture, tradition or superstition MAY be real, but that's about it. I don't believe in living my life by having faith in non-existant entities and I don't evade the topic on either life or death.

That's about the only thing I don't run away from.

Birthday in 15 days, about 2 weeks. Ever since smashing up that birthday cake by my father (partly because he screwed up my birth date. I'm your eldest son, sir, YOUR FIRST BABY, and you screwed up my birth date.) then leaving the house with a broken glass table shattered into a million pieces to 'have a talk' with my close friends I've been expecting that particular day to be... as simple as it is. I need no birthday celebrations, nor presents, nor cakes, nor cards, nor wishes.

I hope it rains tomorrow.

I'm lucky enough to meet two people of the same birth date as me. Happy birthday Bun and Kev, though it's a little early.

Bye.